what spending time with myself taught me — from a 21 year old college student

why loving your own company is important

actively spend time alone. you will learn a lot about yourself, and that will help you be a better person to those you love. these are my random, jumbled 2 am thoughts … so take them as you will.

Get off social media. If it makes you feel icky when you’re scrolling, then GET OFF IT. It took me years to finally delete Instagram and Snapchat, but I did it and so should you. Our generation is obsessed with recording our lives and plastering it on the internet, and that feeling of validation becomes addictive. This might sound dramatic, but because I grew up on the internet, I had forgotten what it’s like to live my life without recording it all with the sole purpose of posting it on social media. But that icky feeling goes away if you simply don’t go on anymore. My quality of life is so much better because I’m not seeing what hundreds of my ‘friends’ are doing with their lives. I can instead focus on my own life and the lives of the people I really care about.

Go back to the basics. Make your life simpler. Only spend time with people who you actually like. I know this sounds like common sense, but we so often forget it. If that’s only 3 people that you feel like your true self with, then that’s ok. I was at a party with my friend yesterday and there were lots of people crammed in a small space, and we were both feeling anxious. Me and her stood in a corner and laughed and I felt so much better to be in that environment because she was with me. Choose people who you can stand in a corner of a party with and feel like yourself. Spend your energy building these core relationships. Reach out, get involved in their life, be supportive. Make those relationships, even if it’s just 3 people, really count.

There is power in privacy. You do not need to share all parts of yourself with everyone. It is a privilege to share your life to others. Remember that. Slow down, and sit back and observe more than you speak. Listen when people tell you about their lives. Ask questions to show you care. These are lessons I have learned through spending time alone.

Go to dinner alone. Treat yourself to a nice meal and people-watch around you. It is freeing to not care about what others think of you and instead enjoy your own company. Spoiler alert: most people don’t think twice about someone eating alone. I really want to solo-travel as well. Currently in a Facebook group for female solo-travelers and it’s super inspiring.

Make efforts to have hobbies that you enjoy. Bake intricate desserts, or go to art galleries, or play on an intramural volleyball team. So often we get in the motions of life that we do not make time for our own interests.

Do little things daily, like pick flowers or listen to music, to soak in your days and the stage of your life you’re currently in. I am currently in my college stage, and it will soon be ending. I started taking in the beautiful architecture on my walk to class and convincing my friends to go to our favorite local restaurants.

Not everything has to be political. Not everything has to be controversial. Our streams of media and news is so freaking exhausting. Take a break from it.

Put up boundaries and do not feel bad about it. So often in dating, especially as women, talking to guys can mean not wanting to hurt their feelings and letting things go that bother you because you don’t want to ‘be difficult’. F*ck that. Don’t settle and don’t feel bad about being honest and setting boundaries.

Don’t be afraid to change career paths. It is never too late to do something you love. Don’t get sucked into the capitalistic mindset of working in the corporate world if that isn’t what you want. Spend your days doing things you enjoy. Dress how you like to dress and make purchases that you feel good in. Put effort into feeling your best when you put on clothes in the morning. It isn’t narcissistic to like how you look, it’s called confidence and it’s a good thing!

Be courageous and tell people how you feel. It is better to say how you feel and risk messing it up, or say nothing at all and let that mess you up. LIFE IS TOO SHORT. If you get rejected or a friendship dies that is ok!!! You will move on and meet other people who will make your life better.

okay so I got on some rants in this reflection but that’s ok because I think it’s pretty darn good advice. bottom line: spend more time alone and do not be afraid to be alone. being alone teaches me how to be a better friend, a better daughter, a better sister.

xx Gracie